Hot on the heels of the barmy Peaceful Paddle (Against Shark Culling) comes another dippy deep green campaign of "attitudinal reconstruction". The group West Australians for Shark Conservation is now offering school classes teaching kids that sharks aren't scary at all. No, they're actually kind and cuddly cweatures just like weally big fwuffy-eared bunny wabbits!

That's so typical of greenies' "get 'em while they're young" philosophy, isn't it? And highly ironic given that while they want to assuage kids' fear of these creepy carnivorous creatures, many of their fellow travellers are out to scare the crap out of them with dubious predictions of catastrophic climate change.

It's also ironic in the general context of how education has been "progressing" of late. Students are being told that living white pointers are not a threat. It's those dead white males they've really gotta worry about!

From the article:

WASC president Ross Weir said children were growing up with a disproportionate fear of sharks and his classes were aimed at putting the threat into perspective.

"There's a real need for it," Mr Weir said. "We need to counter this hype and get it out there that sharks aren't man-eating machines.

"They are very selective, intelligent hunters. It's crucial to address the negative publicity that West Australians are being bombarded with.

"It's crucial the younger generation are educated as to the real nature of sharks. We are not on the menu, we simply sometimes get in the way."

Oh, so it's all our fault now? I know I'm a reactionary speciesist and all, but that sounds an awful lot like blaming the victim to me.

And there's that old "we're in their domain" angle again. If that's the case, how are we to remove the threat? According to this logic humans should just not swim in the ocean at all. That includes you, shark loving greenies. Come on now, fair's fair ...

Well, obviously that's not going to happen. So if any of you surfers or swimmers get your limbs ripped off by a friendly noah, you'll have to take comfort in the knowledge that your cuddly gilled pal didn't actually intend to hurt you. He was just carrying out a little taste test. It was all just an unfortunate mistake!

The WASC website is as funny as it is disturbing. You can tell by the way it's written that these nature boys 'n' girls aren't just fascinated by the gruesome predators; they're really very fond of them and feel they've been tragically misunderstood. What a thing to exercize your sense of social justice, eh!

Check out this photo gallery. It's a classic, with captions like:

Great white sharks are picky eaters. Their diet requires lots of fat, and after one bite a great white shark can determine whether or not the meal will satisfy its nutritional needs. If it doesn’t, the shark will leave the rest and swim away.

Well, that's another great reason to shed those pounds. Thank you, sharks, for that motivation. Heartening to know you're so concerned about our health.

Great white sharks eat 11 tons of food a year! Compare that to a human being: Each of us eats closer to half a ton of food every year. 

And even after consuming all those resources, he'll still have a carbon footprint that's a mere fraction of the average Homo sapiens. Good sharks. Baaad humans!

Like lions on land, sharks are at the top of the food chain in the underwater jungle, and their eating habits affect the populations of all sea life below them. Without large sharks, octopus populations would jump, which would then decrease the number of lobsters, since they are one of the octopus’ favorite snacks.

True! And think what a horrible world it would be with so few lobsters. They've been cruelly maligned as well, you know ...

Even though sharks have rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth, they don’t use their pearly whites to chew their prey. Shark teeth are strictly for ripping, and the resulting chunks are swallowed whole.

So even if you are unfortunate enough to be "attacked" -- er, sorry, good-naturedly mistaken for food -- by a giant Carcharodon carcharias, your end will be mercifully quick. Much less painful to be swiftly ripped apart and swallowed whole than chewed to death, after all.

Sharks. What's not to like?

So kids, next time you're at the beach with mummy and daddy (or mummy and mummy ... or daddy and daddy) and you see a 2 metre dorsal fin gliding through the water beyond the breakers, don't heed those hateful shark alarms and stay on shore. Instead, grab your floaties and paddle out to say hi. Mister Smiley isn't your enemy. He's a happy new playmate -- your biggest, bestest new fwiend!

Not.